Epic Posting Fail

I am extremely guilt-ridden at the moment. I've been so busy with college that I've not had the mental capacity to post here on my blog. My goal was to post at least once or twice a week, and I've just looked, and I've not posted in a month. I truly, truly apologise. I've had a bit more work in college this year than the course was last year because I am taking Higher GCSE Maths as an extra class (I currently dream in numbers because I've been doing so much of it. Good thing I like Math) and the curriculum is a touch different. It is definitely time for a catch up, and hopefully things will be settling down into a better routine after this half term break for me to get back to my regular posting schedule.

I am really looking forward to Samhein. We will be celebrating a few days early, with friends coming to eat, drink and be merry here at home. We've not gotten together since the summer, so I'm stupidly excited. On the 31st itself, a couple friends will join me for jack o'lantern carving (I do the stencils on them). I have one or two pumpkins from the back garden that are big enough for me to carve, and I'll buy a bigger one from town tomorrow. Pumpkin carving for me is also harvesting my seeds to plant next year, and collecting the flesh that will be part of our pumpkin pies for the year. I will hold a private ritual before bed, honouring my family, ancestors and friends that have passed on this year.

I've witnessed some spectacular natural events over the past week. The skies over Lincoln have been clear enough at night to spot a few shooting stars from the Orionid Meteor Shower, and it's been a wrench when I've gone to sort the quails out at 11pm to go inside. Today was another spectacular scene as the Imp and I stood in the rain waiting for a bus with The Witchy Kitty and her family. There was a huge double rainbow over the city, with the end of one of the rainbows hitting the cathedral. Absolutely stunning, and I couldn't help but attempt to take some photos (Witchy Kitty and I decided to race to see who would post first, and she will also be cross posting me)

Just down the road, you should be able to spot Lincoln Cathedral

Shooting stars and rainbows actually hold a lot of meaning to me. Memories of high school marching band...serenading the band directors in the early hours of one morning during the week before State Marching Finals and the Leonid Meteor Shower being extremely active at 4am as we shivered and played through the entire program. And, when I was most stressed with the preparations, feeling the presence of my grandmother and spotting a rainbow around the sun, every year of the morning of State. The memories of my grandmother are the strongest, and still there whenever I spot a rainbow, or get the scent of gardenia when there are none around. I see her in the Imp, and have since I fell pregnant with her.

Well, this is the time for memories and renewal for me, and I feel utterly renewed with finally getting the chance for a clear mind that has allowed me to blog a new post. Here's to fingers crossed that it continues.

Mel

P.S.
Good luck to the Greenwood Marching Woodmen on your trip to Saturday's 2011 ISSMA State Finals.

Joy Pockets (260911)

Yet another busy one for us, but we've had some lovely times in between the exhausting ones.

• Finding out that I will be able to do the higher GCSE in Maths as a blended, independent learning class alongside the foundation class that is part of my Access course. I'm extremely happy with this, as it will give me one of my first English educational certificates.
• The Saturday morning kiddy show at the cinema. According to the Imp, we were watching 'blue quails', and she really liked them (we went to see "Rio", which is about a blue macaw). We followed it with a bit of retail therapy and lunch, and with all the rush around me being in college and her in nursery, it was nice spending time outside of being home.
• I now have all of the bits that I need for our planned homemade Yule and Christmas gifts.
• Being told by the Imp that biscuits make her tummy feel all better. She was a bit poorly yesterday, and didn't eat more than a slice of toast and a couple of prawn crackers. I figured that she actually was feeling better this morning, but she was afraid to eat, so her stomach didn't appreciate it. I phoned a friend to bring her some digestive biscuits, and she's now back to being all smiles and chattering away. We don't have them in the house, because I can't have them, but they seem to be doing a better job than my poor attempt at making her toast yesterday (we don't own a toaster, because we don't need one).

So, what are your Joy Pockets for the week?

I haven't forgotten...

I do promise, I haven't forgotten about my blog. This was my first proper full week in college, and I'm trying to get back into a routine that hasn't existed for months. Instead of getting up at 9am, as I normally would, we're having to get up at 6am. It's a bit of a shock to the system when you're not a natural morning person in the first place. I used to always function at my best when I could stay up until 4am, and sleep until noon, but that doesn't work when you have a child.

I guess a bit of an update. The Imp and I are back to being a team again now that we're having some time apart. The three days that I'm in college, she spends in nursery. When I first came across realising that it takes somebody else taking care of her for a brief time for us to remain stable without all of the screaming and drama, it felt like I was a let down for a mum. We've been inseparable since she was born. But after she turned three, we started getting more and more frustrated with each other. I never have wanted to be a shouty mum, yet I didn't want to be a soft touch, either.

My intentions when she was born was to do all attachment parenting to the fullest extent, and to carry it further. I was going to strictly breastfeed until she self weaned....we succeeded with that one, and she breastfed until 19 months. I wanted to do baby-led weaning...we succeeded with that one, too. She nabbed a roast carrot off a plate at about 6 months old and carried on from there. I'm now getting lovely comments from her nursery that she is an amazing eater, and not the least bit picky (except with cucumbers).

I was going to babywear. Again, we succeeded in that, and she was in a sling until just before she turned three. We did briefly own a stroller in May, but that was because we couldn't expect her to walk all over London for three days, and my back and hips can't handle the extra weight any more. Freecycle is a good thing...we were gifted a lovely little stroller, and as soon as we were finished with it, we gifted it on to another family. (to find your own local Freecycle network, go to www.freecycle.org )

I was going to do home schooling. This is where we have tripped up. When things went wrong when she was 10 months old, I had to go onto government benefits. Home school curriculums are quite expensive, on top of I would have to be looking for work when she turns 7. To be completely honest, we can't afford for me to continue to be on benefits. We currently survive by me keeping very strictly budgeted. If we want something, I have to be able to work it in or we don't get it. Another issue is socialisation. I struggled to even take her to mother and toddler groups. I think it's such an artificial environment, and so political. Yes, I said political. I have a couple of really awesome friends that I met through those various groups that we used to attend, but they are the exception rather than the rule. The rule is referred to, if you've not heard of it before, the Baby Olympics. Everybody is constantly judging you and your child. And when you're going to a general public mother and toddler group with any sort of alternative opinion, well, you will be judged to be beneath them. Let's see...Pagan, attachment parenting (which goes against the mass marketed books that they all have to use as gospel), not from the area (obvious by my harsher accent), etc. You get the picture. So, if I can't cope with a group like that, how am I going to be able to put us forward to the inclusive home school groups of the city?

On top of all of that, it is just now the Imp and I. Sometimes, we can go a fortnight without any adult contact outside of popping to the shop, which doesn't count. As she's started coming into self-realisation, we started clashing more and more. I was becoming Shouty and Really Angry Mum, because we're both as stubborn as each other. And in the lifetime that I get a job, what would happen then?

When she turned three, I came to the realisation that we needed some time apart. I don't mean shipping her off. I mean just a few hours a day that we can do our own thing. It probably sounds like I'm talking about a teenager, but one big thing for me is to acknowledge that even a three year old has a mind of their own. They are humans within their own right, with opinions, feelings, thoughts, and views. We work really well together when we're both respecting each other. If I'm just shouting, I'm not listening, and it works the same in the other direction. I did a lot of research, and found a nursery that was a perfect fit for both of us. They are very child-led, without talking down to her, and encourage a lot of independence. The Imp adores it. Last week was the first three days that she's spent the whole day there. She comes home extremely tired, but laughing and giggling. She adores her teacher, and she has a circle of friends.

Given this, and starting to research primary schools, I no longer feel the guilt of not being able to home school.  I think that the Imp is so much happier with this decision. That's what the point actually is...she is happy. I am happy, as well. I now have the opportunity to take a course to prepare me for university properly...I went to university straight after High School, but I don't think that I was properly prepared, and I bombed out. I'm now 35. I have finally decided what I want to do, and a career that I actually want to do, for me. It wasn't an opportunity that I've had in the past. In the future, it will give both of us a lot better quality of life, and more opportunities.

I apologise for being so slim on the ground for posts, and it might take me another week or two to get back into a routine, but I am still here :)

Mel

Joy Pockets 120911

I apologise that it's been a fortnight since I've done my Joy Pockets, but it has been so super busy with getting back to college, and last Monday was a particularly rough day for us. But, here we go. I hope to be back to my normal posting self within the next week or two, once I'm into a better routine.

• The hints of autumn arriving. The leaves just starting to change, the arrival of blustery winds, and the chance that the weather isn't likely to go over-warm again for a while.
• Tied in to the weather, the excuse to make beef stew today...nom. I'll post the recipe later this week.
• The Imp being so excited to be able to return to nursery. It's three, super-long days for her, but she adapted straight away.
• Succeeding in sorting out my budget spreadsheets up to June. Ok, this probably sounds really sad, but I actually enjoy doing it because I'm really proud of my spreadsheets.
• Starting back at college, and the excitement of getting into a routine, and having work that makes me think. Oh, you will probably see me posting about my frustration on papers and assignments, but I honestly do enjoy it.

Mel

Cross Stitch: Wheel of the Year - Restart

I'm not going to bother posting a photo today, but I've actually managed to get a couple of hours of stitching this week! It's been a busy week, still, with getting ready to start college (Induction was today), and the Imp...well, the Threenager has seriously struck over the past week and a half (part of the reason that there was no Joy Pockets post this week...on top of me being absolutely wiped out lately).

Tomorrow, my classes aren't going ahead, but the Imp still has a place at nursery. So, after dropping her off at 8am, I will be returning home, doing a quick tidy, putting on my multiple episodes of "Torchwood", and sitting and stitching all day. :)

As for the Imp and nursery, today was the longest that we've been apart since she was born. I was busy today, but tomorrow, I think will be a complete culture shock for me. She's 3 2/3ish, and more than ready to be independent. She loved being there all day, and is looking forward to tomorrow...so much so that she's just brought me her night time nappy without being asked, at 7:15pm. Her hair is in her 'night night braids' (so we don't have to fight with it to brush it in the morning), and she's gone and put her own pyjamas on. I guess that's a hint for me to tuck her in.

Mel

Cross Stitch: Wheel of the Year - Week Off (yet again)

Again, this week has been a complete fail on picking up my stitching. I'm not normally as busy as I have been lately, and I don't normally go to bed before 9pm, as I have been for almost the past week and a half. I'm putting my foot down and actually going no where tomorrow, and aiming to get back to my stitching. At the very least, I'd like to finish that first page before starting college next week. Fingers crossed.

But, I will at least post a recipe tonight, and tomorrow I will be posting this last week's suggestion from Pagan Blog Prompts, because it's a rather apt topic.

Mel

The Desperate Need to Rearrange

Hello, everyone. My name is Mel, and I am admitting to having a problem. I am a serial furniture rearranger.

There...it's out there. I have a need to rearrange furniture. When I was still living with my parents, and when I had more space than I do now, I had to rearrange the furniture every three months or so. I'm sure that I absolutely drove my parents crazy with it. They'd walk into my bedroom and I'll have managed to rotate the entire thing by myself.

I've lived in this house for just over two years, and haven't been able to figure out how to rotate the furniture because of the way that the rooms are laid out. I live in a Victorian two up-two down terrace, and in some areas modernisation has not been its friend. Don't get me wrong, it's a fantastic place, and perfect for just the Imp and I, but I can't move the furniture around. I have gas fires, an alcove with a cupboard built specifically to set a telly on, and a sofa that was gifted to us that only fits along one wall in the living room. The dining room is bigger than the living room, but I can't flip them because there's no place suitable for the telly.

Upstairs is a whole different story. We have a lot of heavy furniture. Some of it's ours, some of it belongs to the landlord. I have four bookcases in my bedroom, alone, that were taking up an entire wall. I have been agonising over this for a long time, because it's really been bothering me. As much as I adore my books, my bedroom just seemed consumed by them. I suffer from insomnia, then my sleep is rubbish, then I don't want to wake up in the morning.  The Imp's room was worse...she had three wardrobes and two bookcases, as well as a huge, dark set of drawers, her bed, a wooden doll's house, and the rest of her toys. She rarely actually played up there, and I couldn't figure out why because she still had loads of space (we both have nice sized double bedrooms).

I finally snapped on Monday. I've been slowly having a sort out for the past several months, being harsh with myself and getting rid of things that are just taking up precious space. I couldn't avoid it any more...I had to succumb to my desperate need to move furniture, and our bedrooms are the only place that it could happen. I helped the Imp put all of her toys into their laundry baskets, cleared the bookshelves off, then proceeded to rotate it all. She helped me pick bits up from my bedroom floor and shift books off and on the shelves. In her room, I shifted two bookcases, her bed, a doll's house, and two wardrobes. I added a wardrobe from my bedroom, and swapped her massive bureau with the smaller one from my room. In my room, I shifted four bookcases, a large dressing table, a big telly on a stand. my bed and the nightstand. Even though I've added another wardrobe to her room, the Imp's room feels a lot more spacious and balanced. Yesterday, I hardly saw her because she was actually playing up there...I was shocked, to say the least. Since Monday, she's actually kept her room tidy and helped me make her bed every morning.

The difference in the feel of my room is amazing. I've actually felt the need to go to bed at a decent hour...last night, I was up there within a half hour of tucking the Imp in. I didn't go to sleep straight away, but I relaxed quite nicely with my Kindle and the telly. I'm actually getting a little more rested with the sleep that I have, and I'm not struggling to wake up in the morning. The energy is actually feeling like it has a better balance.

I was chatting with Witchy Kitty yesterday, and the overall energy in my house has been feeling a lot better. Ever since I've moved in here, the house has had it's own special personality. Over the past year, it seemed to have changed, to almost being depressive. The house spirits haven't been very happy with me, and I wasn't seeing it. I was struggling with relations with my friends, my own stress, depression, and loneliness. I've finally managed to work my way out of my own personal funk, though, recently. I finally received the confirmations that my childcare will be funded for my return to college to do the course that I started last year.  I've made a definite decision as to what educational path I will be taking. My friends are coming around more often, and we're back to everybody not being so low. And I've made a definite decision to redecorate. The first of the paint will be brought around this weekend, so I can get a start on the living room and dining room, to be followed by the kitchen, bathroom, the Imp's room, and finally my room.

It's almost like the house is happier that I've made some decisions, and that I'm settling within myself. I've always had a deep desire to move about, but since moving into this house, I've felt like a real homebody. It's been a difficult thing to accept, I think. When I was looking at houses, I actually refused this one, because the rooms felt too small and the previous tenants smoked like chimneys. I have had a deep desire to move to the other side of the country to be closer to a friend, but this is the first place in either Indiana or England that has actually felt like my true home. I moved out of my parents' home when I was 20. Counting that move, I have moved around 16 times, including moving back in with my parents, and have been classed as homeless twice. I'll be 35 next month, and I now have a deep desire to stay put. I'd honestly like to be able to understand why it has taken this long for me to find 'home'. I used to want to travel all of the time, and now I rarely ever leave the city. My ideal holiday is going and spending time in Cardiff with my dear friend and her boys for a week.

I've managed to get the furniture shifting out of my system this week, and once I get it all painted, this house will be like new. I'll be restarting college in a week and a half, and I've got everything together and ready. I know where I'm going and what I want to do. I've fully recognised what I need and want mentally and emotionally, and, with the support of my family of friends, I'm almost ready to take the leap to find it.

Mel

Joy Pockets (010811)

It's been a quiet one for us this week, but there's always positive things for us.

• Spending loads of time with the Imp, even if it's just watching her play with her cars while I work on my cross stitch (though she is absolutely fascinated with it, so I really must find a kiddie-friendly alternative...maybe for her 4th birthday in January).
• Our sunflowers starting to open this week, and how much they brighten up our drab back garden.
• Weeding in the garden taking less time as the proper plants take over.
• Having a new 'project' to do research to start up, and the reality hitting that it's going to happen really soon, with the Imp's grandfather buying us a double hutch off eBay, that will be housing our soon to arrive quails
• Getting to meet a friend's menagerie, and having a first look at what will be the new additions to our family (start of our menagerie :P )
• The letters arriving from the college with my September schedule, and the excitement that it's all going to start properly this time. Last year, I had been called up off the waiting list and started a fortnight late and couldn't get childcare funding. This year, my funding paperwork is all sorted, I'll be starting on time, and I have a clue as to what to expect.